Backsplash

Entry by Paul

Once, I was locked in a cell that was so small I could reach my arms out and touch the sides. It was about 10 ft deep. They were the same size as the cells in Alcatraz, looked exactly the same too...with the old school bars. Pretty Creepy. This place was a hell hole. You have to share this cell with someone else. Fucking nightmare. I would not sleep on the bottom bunk because the toilet is literally 18 inches from where your pillow is. One day my bunk mate is sleeping...I jumped down to take a piss, I flushed the toilet and the water pressure is so strong that the back splash was hitting the pillow and the back of his head. I didn't wake him up...I didn't tell him.

Visitation Day

I drove up to Hall county Jail, looking for the bus stop. Paul told me he'd be waiting for me in his cell, waving a white sheet in his window. I parked my car in front of the bus stop and within 10 sec I saw a white sheet waving excitedly from inside one of the tiny windows on the side of the building. Paul's cell! I stood outside the car and jumped up and down and waved and blew kisses. Rapunzel Rapunzel let down your hair!

This was my 4th time visiting the jail, as I do any time I'm near the vicinity of Georgia. It worked out great this time, as I had a gig in North Carolina and was able to visit Paul twice, once on the way up and once on the way back. I'm always afraid that they will find some reason not to let me visit. They are allowed to turn you away basically if they feel like it. But all went well...I gave them my I.D., had to turn towards some window so someone could look at me (?) went through a metal detector, took the elevator up to the 4th floor...walked down the long ominous hallway, buzzered the door and saw Paul waving and smiling at me through the glass.

I take my seat in the little "cubicle" type thing. We have to try 4 different cubicles before we find one with a working phone. We pick up our phones (Paul has to constantly jiggle his to make it work) and get a nice long 45 min visit. Visits are only supposed to be 25 min, but I think they forgot about us, which is lucky for us.

Paul is amazing as always, smiling, joking, laughing, telling me we're the strongest people in Georgia and that we can get through anything. "we got this" he says. And I believe him.

Circus and my love

Entry by Rain

Last night I performed at a castle. Paul asked “Is there a moat, a drawbridge and a black knight?” The answer was yes. One of the few actual castles in the U.S., I performed rope, aerial hoop, and chains. Chains is one of my absolute favorite things to perform, but my least favorite thing to rehearse...because of how painful it is. In my life I've had absolutely no S&M tendencies...except now after performing chain for the past 3 years, I can begin to understand it maybe a little bit. There is a sort of energy that comes from pain which you can't experience through any other means. A book was recommended to me last year which I recommend to everyone I encounter these days....When Things Fall Apart. It's about accepting everything that comes your way, the pleasure and the pain, and reveling in the experience of it. Not chasing pleasure and running from pain. Now, I'm not one to invite pain into my life in any way, in fact I'm kind of a wuss. However, my experience with circus and a drug addict boyfriend has given me thick skin, literally and figuratively, and I'm extremely grateful for that.

Shit

entry by Paul

I want to.... how do I go about letting everyone know about the sheet and poop situation? Is our recession that deep that I have to use my sheet to wipe my ass?

So I pushed the button on the intercom in my cell. This is how it went:

Paul - “Hey I need to shit, can I get some toilet paper?”

cop- “Uhhhh....Noooo. We're not handing out toilet paper for 2 more days”

Paul – (looking at my roommate)“That doesn't really make any sense because I have to shit now.”

Paul – (at the cop) “Can I please get some toilet paper?”

cop - “no.”

So I proceeded to rip up my sheet in little squares and wipe my ass with my state issued sheet...problem solved. (but now I'm cold)

Because, we don't even get....our daily lunch is 2 pieces of baloney and 2 pieces of bread. We don't even get mustard or mayonnaise. Fucking hell. Fucking Hell County.

The Logic of Jail

entry by Rain

At first I asked “why” a lot. Like “why would they put you in maximum security on a drug charge?” or “Why won't they give you toilet paper when you need it?”, or “why can you only buy junk food from the jail store?” or “why can't I draw pictures on your letters?” “Why can I only send postcards with pre-printed stamps” “why, why, why...” I expected there would be some sort of logical answer, even if I didn't like the answer, I thought it would at least be logical. But Paul always laughed and just kept telling me over and over, you can't ask “why.” There's no understandable logic behind 90% of their policies and procedure. It took me a long time to stop asking why.

I grew up thinking life was logical and somewhat fair. Dealing with the Georgia state prison system, I've had a rude awakening. The first night Paul was arrested, he tried to call me collect, but I didn't know how to put money on my phone so it wouldn't patch us through. It took me about an hour to figure out how to put money on my phone (apparently the only way to pay online is if you have the internet explorer browser. Don't ask me “why.” Who has internet explorer anymore!?) By the time I got my phone set up, I had no way to get in touch with him to have him try again. That was the beginning of my challenge in giving up control.

Every day all I can do is wait for his call. I'll either be available to answer or I won't. Sometimes he'll call when I'm at the top of a ladder rigging a rope for my next performance. Or he'll call when I'm in the shower, or in the middle of an important conversation with a friend. I can't email or text him, I can't tell any one to tell him to call me or to call back in 10 min. If I answer the phone it charges me for the whole 15 min phone conversation. So we strategize. We have systems. Sometimes the cops decide (for no apparent reason) to keep them in lock down all day or not to let them use the phones. And I may go all day without hearing from my love. At first this was really hard. My mind went to all the worst case scenarios...he got in a fight, he got thrown in the hole, he was transferred to another jail, etc.... But no matter what I'll always hear from him again at some point. And he'll tell me that everything's ok. And it really is. 

PISS

Entry by PAUL


I want to inform everyone reading this how truly disgusting the environment they house drug addicts in. I'm living in a cell house with 18 cells, housing 2 people in a cell. There is a toilet in each cell and running water. We do not get bleach. We do not get a broom or a mop. So fuck me.... We are locked in our cells most of the day, but there are about 5 hours a day that we are let out into the “common area” where we can shower, use the phone, play cards, fight, walk in circles, ...whatever you want to do.

Now, there are 2 showers in the “common area” which we can use in our allotted time. When we come out of our cells we are not allowed back in our cells until the 5 hours or so is up (don't ask me “why,” I have no fucking idea, I don't even think the cops know.) It's infuriating. Needless to say, the only toilets are in our cells. (Anyone ever slept 2 feet from a toilet before? We'll talk about that another time. ) It's questionable how legal it is to lock someone away from drinking water and a toilet for hours at a time.

So what is our only choice? One of the showers is the most god awful shit I've ever seen. The shower doesn't even work. So there is just a bunch of stagnant piss. I think I might die from ammonia poisoning by just going in it. So I DON'T. I open the door – my body on the outside, my pecker hanging over the threshold, and I contribute. No one has yet to shit in there. But in another part of this fine facility the cops denied a man access to his toilet so he shit in the trash can. Tune in for more wonderful times at Hall County Jail.

About this Blog

Meet Paul, a recovering heroin addict currently biding his time in Hall County Jail, Georgia. He overdosed and was charged with possession 5 months ago and has been in jail awaiting his charges. He'll be sent to a prison rehab in about 6 months from now. He spends his days reading books, staring at the wall, and talking twice a day to his girlfriend Rain.

Meet Rain, a traveling, free-lance aerial artist. Rain travels around the country with her “Paul Kit”...a notepad, some envelopes, a pen, a book of stamps, photo's of the two of them, and a cell phone which is her direct line to Paul. The cell phone is a special, magical cell phone, as it has a 678 area code, which allows her to receive collect phone calls from her man.

This is their day to day musings along this crazy ride, Paul's entries transcribed by Rain via collect calls, and sometimes received in letters.